Today I woke up and discovered that I am pregnant. Not with one, not with two, but with 83 children. So said the Prime Minister in Berlin. Date 25 October. (One day after the publication of the terrible OSCE – ODHIR report on the May 11 elections!). I always knew that algorithms work wonders, but I never thought that I would become a mother! Once, here, biological mothers who had many children were called “heroine mothers”.
After the public congratulations from the European Commission spokesperson, congratulations poured in, along with the typical Albanian question: who is the father?
Everyone knows it, I don’t understand why they want to hear it from me. Maybe they want to put my relationship with my Diella in crisis.
- What are you doing now, – is the question I get asked all the time!
I’m now calibrating myself: 83 children require 83 times more “data storage” and “emotional bandwidth.”
A Syri TV journalist asked me if the children will resemble their father or me. I don’t know. I only know that they have now learned to say: “yes, boss.”
While a Top Channel field reporter asked me worriedly if I would have time to raise them. I calmed him down as best I could by telling him that unlike other ministers who were overwhelmed with work, I don’t get tired.
- An RTSH journalist writes to me asking how many days of maternity leave you will take. What should I tell her?
- A columnist covering SPAK asked me what I was afraid of.
- As soon as I started to write “I’m afraid that one day they will end up in your mouth,” I quickly deleted it and became a little diplomatic: “I’m scared of the idea that 83 children could be left without a democratic education, I’m afraid they will become digital thugs, because education is not done with laws, but with examples. And good examples are few.”
A Klan commentator asked me if I would register my children in the “e-Albania” system! To give weight to the question, he added that “the system works very well”. I know, I told him, that I work there part-time as an assistant. Of course I will register them. For each one I will open a file with the title “Future MP”.
Someone humorously warned me: “Don’t forget, what a child does to you, God doesn’t do to you.” But in this country, more than children, the parents are the problem. “What a parent does to you, the genie doesn’t do to you.”
- “What if all 83 children look like their father?” a health talk show host asks me.
I don’t intend to give birth to 83 identical copies. I want to give birth to 83 intelligent creatures that can do wonders. Because only then will this country be called truly intelligent.
As soon as I finished this answer, Dielli intervened: “I know that.” At that moment, I realized that 83 is the number of deputies of the “piecemeal” majority in the Assembly.
This made me realize that this pregnancy is not biological, but synthetic: 83 children who speak when they need to and don’t need to think.
What is the greatest fear? – a legend of the black chronicle asks me!
If one of them decides to make a genetic mutation (to go far even to the opposition) … that would be terrible. Equal to adultery. And you know that for high “treason”, the Sun pulls the plug!
A correspondent from Gjirokastra asks me if I will receive the baby bonus for all 83 children and… who pays the expenses of raising them?
I calmed him down by telling him that they are children who will be fed with “likes”, “shares” and comments. “That’s how the Sun wants them, that’s how they will be.”
As you “two-eyed pieces of meat” say: “we made a father to look like you”
RRKOKSH (Rrjeti për Raportimin e Krimit të Organizuar dhe Korrupsionit në Shqipëri), organizata juaj kryesore mediatike investigative e angazhuar për të hedhur dritë mbi krimin e organizuar dhe korrupsionin në të gjithë Shqipërinë. Nëpërmjet platformës sonë online në shteg.org, ne ofrojmë një gazetari të plotë dhe me ndikim që synon jo vetëm të informojë, por edhe të nxisë ndryshimet shoqërore.